BE CLEAR ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT!

Women, please be clear what you want from your relationships with men. I think it pays women to be clear about what they want from relationships with men. It has saved me from so much hassles and it’s a huge red flag when you ask for your interaction to be defined and the other party keeps muddling it up. I also know that it’s not always intentional on the other party’s part, there are some who genuinely don’t know what they want and just want to go with the flow. Well, going with the flow has never worked, at least for me. Someone gets hurt, and that someone is always most likely me.

From my experiences, any man that doesn’t want to define relationships want to exploit me in every way possible. If it’s defined, you’ll have a template to work with. You know expectations, you can safely gauge how much of yourself to give to the relationship. You know the expectations to have and you’d know what to demand.

I’ve had situations where the other party wants to be in control of my emotions, while I flounder helplessly, confused and disoriented, not finding my footing or exactly what I’m dealing with. And it is that confusion that they exploit. Because at the end of the day, I wouldn’t gain anything, it’s the other party that does.

 

Relationship is like workplace, it’s emotional and physical labor. Don’t carry Level 5 responsibilities while you’re being given Level 1 rights. Don’t let anybody complicate the arrangement for you and leave you in an entanglement. Don’t let them give you the responsibilities of a wife while they tell the world you’re their friends with benefits. 

 

Level 1.

A casual sex arrangement is like volunteer work that activists do. You do it for mutual satisfaction and the only thing you can demand in that arrangement is respect and consent. This is the happiest way to relate just like volunteering is always the safest way to work, because you’re doing what you love without any expectation of getting paid. You cannot do this if you don’t have a stable source of income disconnected from sex. 

 

Level 2.

Being a sex worker is like being a young freelance worker who waits for the next gig to get paid, only that you get paid for sex. All you have to give is services, and all you’ll get is money, and some respect if the client is not a bad person. There are two types of sex workers:

a) Those who stay at brothels are like the freelance bricklayers and essential workers who wake up every morning and go to a designated part of the town with their diggers and shovels waiting for whoever will come and ask for their services so that they will be paid at the end of the day. Just like brothel sex workers work for the maximum of one night. 

b) Those who do packaged whoocup with their phones using social media and calls are the Tech freelancers who work on Upwork and Fiverr, doing writing, graphics, research or virtual assistant gigs. In this case, maximum of two nights. 

 

Level 3.

A Sugar Baby is like the staff of the company that is not a full staff. You give constant sex for a certain period of time and you’re are paid for that period of time. This is actually the most desirable arrangement for most women. It can exist in three forms:

a) It can exist as an AirBnB vacation where the guy takes care of the expenses and you have sex with each other throughout the period of the vacation. In this case, you’re like a contract staff or adhoc staff. The money and sex stops when the contract ends. You are paid a certain amount agreed in your contract.

b) It can exist as an escort arrangement where you go out and accompany your Sugar Daddy to events and some meetings. You might not even have sex with them. This is like being a consultant in a company. Just look the part, you might not have to do anything. But you’ll be paid you’ll be paid your consultancy fee. 

c) It can exist as a salaried Sugar Baby where your Sugar Daddy puts you on his monthly payroll directly or indirectly, so that he can have some side chick sex while their wives are not looking. In this case, you’re like a part time staff in the company who comes in whenever they are needed instead of working 9-5 like everybody else. You are paid monthly like those that are full staff though. 

 

Level 4.

Those of you who date each other and get involved in romantic relationships as boyfriends and girlfriends are like the full time 9-5 employees of a company. You must report daily. Someone must take care of someone’s bills. In return for your salary, you cannot work for another company secretly, especially competitor brands. In fact, you sometimes become useless to yourself because of the stress of this arrangement. Fellow single pringles will understand😂

There are two levels within this arrangement though:

a) Unserious “cruise” relationships can be represented by low-level full time staff. You work 9-5 but you’re not so committed to the company. You’re just using it to hold body and soul together. If another company offers you a bigger salary, you will fly away. 

b) Those is serious relationship and are probably dating to marry are the management staff of the company. They are not the owners of the company but they are Chief xxxxxx Officer, Head of Operations, Director of xxxxxx Department. They won’t leave the company easily because of their number of years and with some amount of hard work, they can get a proposal to become a partner in the company. They work very hard to be picked though. 

 

Level 5.

These are the Married Women. They have been finally picked. Dowry has been paid. Or not. They will work hard for this company that just made them a Managing Partner for the rest of their lives in return for the 2% or 5% shares that they have been given in the company. They will claim that the business is a partnership of equals but one person gets 80% of the dividends while they get 1.3 percent at the end of the year.

BONUS: Long distance relationship or marriage is like remote work. Employees love it, employers hate it. Who the employee or the employer is depends on the kind of relationship you have. 

 

So please!

 

PLEASE AND PLEASE!!

 

Let’s stop confusing one another. If you’re coming into my DMs for anything beyond normal friendship, specify exactly what you want and I’ll see if I can work with that or reach a middle ground. I’m not a fan of all those mental and emotional gymnastics. Don’t stress me o, don’t stress me!

And it’s a really bad call if you’re doing “what are we” when you’re already entangled in bed please 😅

 

SHORT EXERCISE

Copy and paste the following to that guy that you have mixed feelings about. You can also edit to your taste:

Hello dear! I have interacted with you for a while now and I see that our interactions seems to be emotional/sexual sometimes. For this reason, I’d love it if you communicate exactly what you want from me. Do you want casual sex (friends with benefits), hookup, Sugar Baby (vacation, salaried side chick or escort services), relationship or a potential marriage? Please express what you want honestly and I promise not to judge. If you are not clear yourself, please let me know if you want me to state the kind of arrangement I’d prefer with you. I’d love it if we could be clear about this before further emotional investments in this interaction so that we can both be safe emotionally. Thank you for your cooperation.

Use this and save yourself a lot of drama. Men, you’ll need this too. It’s not just for women. Tenkiu!

SISÍ AFRIKA