What I’m about to write is most likely going to make you mad almost to the point of wanting to unalive me.
That crazed blind anger you feel towards people you don’t even know as if they have hurt you or other people for cheating, when indeed they have NOT.
The anger has started already.
Oh I KNOW.
Because I have been there.
And I can even say I might just have been a little crazier than whatever it is you’re feeling right now.
I would have literally unalived people because of this topic by now, I escaped not doing that by just a tiny margin.
I’m pretty sure that there would still be some official documents somewhere documenting that I indeed wanted to and almost did this.
So believe me when I say I understand what you’re feeling or about to feel once you start getting into this article.
I need you to shelve that anger at the moment otherwise you may as well just stop reading right now and continue your unconscious crazed performances with the rest of the mob.
The thing is you’re miserable while at it.
You do everything the society asks you to do.
You’re angry at everything the society asks you to be angry at.
You don’t have a mind of your own at all.
And you’re miserable while at it.
I don’t need you to confirm or debunk this.
I KNOW.
I did not fall from heaven myself. I am human like you and I feel everything you feel.
I am a woman raised in a patriarchal human society.
I KNOW.
Other women also know and it is why they have relentlessly taunted me with that conditioning when I also carried romance on my head like Afro.
In fact, a lady recently did it to me for the greater good of exposing that men ain’t shit and I should stop being a feminist that insists men are and can be good people and instead, I should join them to scream meh meh meh everyday while actively marrying and giving birth to these same men.
The same men these women can kill other women for if they come near them?
Apparently, men are not good until these men are nice to them and only them. If the men are not nice to them but to other women, they’re just simps in that case and only doing it for the pussy.
They are just all over the place.
One of them is this so called feminist that immediately she got married, has constantly been yapping about cheating back and side chicks and younger women and kinnikan that you’d wonder what time she has to even enjoy that marriage.
If you want to finish her, just write your fantasy about sleeping with her ozzban.
To kpai her patapata, make good of that threat.
That ozzban is her weakness. She submits and asks for permission and radarada and in the same vein, she constantly says men are just not good people and can never be good and can never be feminists YET would literally unalive another woman over one of these same species that are just uzelezz.
On one hand, unalive side chicks and make sure you don’t get caught and/or cheat back, on the other hand, initiate a bloody revolution and unalive people with piniz. And you’re going through all these wahala because of these same people with piniz.
And I’m the one that doesn’t know what I’m doing by saying men can be good people and can be feminists and instead, I should join you all in this your misery?
Misery loves company this much?
And to make me come inside this misery, you have to volunteer to and constantly try to build a wedge between me and one of the men you’re aware of that I particularly care about?
All of una dey mad.
Can’t you see that without defeating and ditching romance, Feminism is a joke?
When this lady did what she did to prove a point that men are bad, I laughed.
At her stupidity and wickedness.
At the irony because it’s not someone with piniz trying to hurt me, it’s her, with the same vagina that I have. (LMAO)
At her childlike attitude.
At the level of power I now possess with just being able to see through the horror of romance and rise above it.
At how fucking powerful I am and how other people can’t even figure it out, at their detriment.
I dare you all to be as formidable as I am when it comes to this romance of a thing.
I’m not daring you to show superiority, I am because if you also evolve consciously as I have, it pays me.
Then, you wouldn’t need to try to hurt me or other people romantically anymore.
There would be an abundance of love.
As opposed to this general crazed need to control and own other people.
I don’t see love anywhere, it’s just madness.
Are you very angry by now?
I am not the one making you angry at all.
It is your Ego.
It is social conditioning.
Who you have become immediately the world started acting on you.
And you blended in, not resisting, going into a frenzy with the rest of the crowd when you don’t even know the people in the featured image or really understand how they have hurt you or their partners.
You are almost angrier at these two people than you are at the various calamities befalling us all at every turn.
I am not sure you are this angry at all the senseless killings or unnecessary hunger happening in Nigeria or the world at large.
I know people who claim that they are opposed to neo-colonialism in Africa but who are the greatest advocate of family values.
And when they say family values, they mean nuclear family values!
And no one is konking them on the head for opposing the hunger imposed on us by colonialists without opposing the monogamous values imposed on us by these same colonialists in favour of their civilised nuclear families that broke up the much better communal family values of African cultures.
Has one of them stood up to say that Africa should retain its communal family values while doing away with patriarchy, as a solution to the artificial social fragmentation created by nuclear monogamy?
Are they angry about that?
All that these two people have done is show love to each other.
LOVE makes you mad.
And you don’t think, even for just a second, that you are probably insane?
And you only don’t know because everybody else seems to be as insane as you and you blend right in?
That you have the numbers doesn’t mean you’re not insane.
You’re just mad and that anger is not rational, AT ALL.
I sincerely believe that nobody would be angry or in distress when someone we love has sex with another person, loves another person or using the word I’ve come to detest so much, cheat on you with another person IF we have not unanimously and subconsciously and I should add, very wrongfully associated it with us being inferior, unwanted, undesirable, ugly, stupid, useless, cast aside and every other negative adjective you can think of.
It’s the same way I don’t understand how the so-called side chicks believe they are better than the rest. Pick up your self-esteem from the gutter, it’s right there. It’s sex and/or love and it has nothing to do with another person’s worth.
Explain to me like a fucking idiot how these things relate.
They sleep with someone else.
I am inferior/superior to that person they have slept with.
I do not understand how they relate at all.
The same way I do not understand all the pure rage and hatred I felt when I was also inside that conditioning.
If we don’t think our partners cheating on us automatically translates to us being ugly and unwanted and inferior, it would just be our partner being happy. Not with someone else or anything, just being happy.
Wouldn’t you want someone you love to be happy?
What has what two people doing with themselves got to do with you?
And here we are constantly ranting about narcissism when the basic foundation of our society itself is structured on and our behaviours modelled towards the very same narcissism we constantly condemn.
This whole cheating business is pure narcissism, it has absolutely nothing to do with you either positively or negatively and we should stop making it as such.
These two people have not done anything wrong.
They have not hurt anybody.
If we removed the social constructs of romance in general and marriage particularly, they have not done anything wrong.
Now if some structures insist that two people cannot love each other and must instead hate each other or not show any sort of affection to each other, shouldn’t we pack such kinds of structures and throw them in the bin where they belong?
I mean how are these structures serving humanity when they don’t seek to increase love but to cage and reduce it any chance they get?
Shouldn’t our goals be to increase love at every chance we can get?
Haven’t we missed the point and aren’t we fucking crazy if two people loving each other has thrown the whole world into an angry frenzy comme ça?
I just told my friend that if we were still in that kind of era where it was possible to stone people to death, those two people would be stoned to death by complete strangers right now.
Even at that, they are at the risk of someone randomly stabbing them and it WILL be justified.
Whatever evil their partners do to these two people would be completely justified.
These people are already being hunted all over the world like they’re criminals.
Lawd knows what they have already lost; their dignity, reputation, peace of mind.
They’re ostracized, judged and the woman could lose her means of livelihood.
All because two people care for each other.
And you don’t think this is a cult?
Whose rules must be followed and expected and you’re torn apart if you say no?
Put down your phone, shut out EVERY noise, EVERY conditioning, go back to how pure you were as a child before the world fucked you up and ask exactly what these two people have done wrong!
WTF is affair and cheating and whatnots?
Look, are you nuts?
There are many arguments used to defend this madness.
But what about STDs?
Oh, so it’s only people that cheat that automatically contract STDs omg 🤲🏽😫
Or how are STDs different from other diseases transmitted through other everyday means, outside of sex?
What makes them special?
Have you stopped using any toilet aside from your personal toilet at home just because of the possibility of toilet transmitted diseases?
Can you take the same precautions that you take when you use non-private toilets when you have non-exclusive sexual partners?
Is that so hard to get?
And people that cheat (omg I wish I didn’t have to keep using this word but it’s the lingua franca you understand right now) are not all just some automatic dumb people who don’t care about themselves in the first place.
STDs are not some automatic karmas for cheating. It is just a health condition that once again, the society has intentionally blown out of proportion and stigmatized.
This aligns with the interests of big private pharmaceuticals so of course, they will pump money into spreading that stigmatization.
It’s just like having a fucking headache or malaria or something. You fucking treat it!
If you can get STDs without cheating being in the mix at all, then STDs are not these biiiigggg specific problems of “cheating”, don’t be silly.
If you’re scared you’d be infected BECAUSE of cheating, so it’s by having constant high BP, hyper-vigilance, being constantly on edge and miserable about other people enjoying themselves that will save you?
Making sure people are so scared to cheat that they kúkú resort to secrecy is what will ensure you’re not infected abi?
In fact, it is the thrill in the secrecy that makes them reckless and careless in the first place.
It is when you keep insisting that someone should not look back that they look back!
And that is exactly what we all keep doing as a society.
How has that worked so far?
Who the fuck wants to be controlled and told what to do at the end of the day, even YOU reading this?
Who made this rule in the first place?
That everybody must now adhere to otherwise the person is a villain?
Oh there’s another excuse; but they should have been transparent and told their partners.
And then tear them apart anyway!
Y’all operate like a fucking cult!
It’s obvious in how the whole world is condemning these two people right now!
Oh, but they made vows anyway.
Because once again, it’s a fucking cult!
That people cannot get out of.
FOREVER.
What do you expect would happen?
THIS.
THIS is what will happen.
Chaos.
Crazed control over others while not wanting to be controlled.
Cult-like ownership and loyalty while not wanting to vulnerably love other people.
You can’t even freely have sex with someone you’d very much like to have sex with or show love to anyone without being sure they’re gonna let you own them.
See you see self-imposed suffering.
I am not going to appeal to you with polyamory or ethical non monogamy or polyandry or whatever name you give to extensions of and multiplications of all the troubles of monogamy.
Because at the end of the day, they all point back to the idea of OWNING other people.
And that fucking makes me sick.
Get over yourselves!
You don’t own other people!
You own yourself and it’s yourself and yourself alone that you should have control over.
There are collective alternatives to exclusive intimacy that are intentionally not popularised because they work, and that is a slap on the face of the capitalist system that needs you to hold on to monogamy because they need isolated consumer units.
For that capitalist system, weddings have become an industry.
Divorce is an industry, and people are already making memes about the wife of this man cashing out from divorce.
It is that system of commodification that makes you feel like there are no alternatives.
And it is still this same structure where all these commodifcations are permissible that you associate with LOVE.
Like the Black-Eyed Peas have asked; WHERE IS THE LOVE?
In all of these, where is the love?
All over the world, people now run love communes and kinship networks where love is not exclusive to one partner and there is no fear of instability at the same time.
Material and financial inter-dependence is not on one person so their sexual contacts with other people do not put you at any risk.
People cum (sic) easily and go easily.
Love does not have to be guided with rules the way monogamy and its other extensions does.
This is much better than control.
If control was easy, possible and sustainable, we wouldn’t have all these constant chaos of “cheating” on our hands.
Monogamy would be easy without all this gnashing of teeth.
People would not be miserable and even dying on account of this ownership wahala.
You wouldn’t be constantly vigilant and miserable and devoid of joy.
You would be free.
You would be at peace.
Is it not freeing and peaceful that you can enjoy every new and positive human contact you make up to the point of sexual intimacy, if you want to?
Are you happy with how this freedom is taken away from you, or you just want to be the only person to enjoy that freedom in secrecy while you judge the rest of us for trying to enjoy it without any hypocrisy (as all of you do anyway)?
Is life that hard?
That’s why you have no peace.
You are constantly running helter skelter.
And crying and screaming and whining.
Get over your fucking selves!
Get a fucking grip!
Written by Sisí Afrika.
