Girl make I show you my bank account
You must chop my money!
I get money pass your papa
Patriarchy and patriarchal people uphold the idea of using money or any other resources to entice women and make women flock around them.
Yet when the women in question say “Okay, give me the money”, they flare up and women become useless gold diggers that bring nothing to the table.
Some say it’s because they want submissive providers and that’s so funny.
These sexist men want to subdue women but don’t want to fulfill their own end of the bargain namely protection; they’re very useless at that because they’re mostly the same ones causing the harm plus we’re no longer in the jungle and there are laws and structures in place that should ideally make that “men are protectors” notion obsolete.
They’re also not providing anything and would even try to take your money!
There’s this useless older man in Abuja that I had random sex with sometimes in 2023 who wasn’t aware I had woken up in the money and went through my purse, with his big hairy useless hands and took a wad of Naira notes. He squeezed and wrinkled them so bad and I went;
“What are you doing?”
Ehm ehm I’m just looking for my keys.
I being in Paris has also exposed me to a lot of men trying to scam me by any means possible. Heck they’ve even been subtly and outrightly encouraging my best friend who’s a man to scam me and exploit the fact that I love him very much.
Apparently, he’s a fucking idiot for not doing that to me.
And it doesn’t end in material resources alone; patriarchy says men are entitled to women’s free physical labour and emotional labour.
The latter isn’t so clear to a lot of people, even women, and I’ll try to explain a bit. You should read up on your own. Honestly, you really have to read a lot for your own good.
If there’s anything you’ve done for men that they ideally should have seen a therapist for, THAT is an emotional labour.
You rub his ego.
You believe in his potentials.
You are his emotional support and backbone.
You listen to his rants and I don’t think that in isolation, there’s anything wrong with doing any of these for anyone.
It is the entitlement that comes with it, with these men never thinking to reciprocate in any way.
Some even tell you about their sex escapades to emptily prove to themselves that they’re real men and to make you compete for them with these other real or imaginary women.
Sometimes sex isn’t just physical for them, they make it emotional, albeit negatively, by using you as a conduit to release their frustrations and anger.
I have been there so this isn’t theoretical.
That I’m a feminist doesn’t mean I didn’t pass through all these craps. In fact, as careful as I still am, I still occasionally brush with sexism.
Why do you think I’m a feminist, a fierce intelligent one at that?
I’m a survivor in every sense of the word. Patriarchy threatens me and I don’t take it lightly when anyone or anything threatens me. I will fiercely defend myself, and that’s exactly what I have been doing.
Patriarchy tells men to just get money and there’s capitalism giving the illusion that if we all just work hard enough, we would all be rich.
It’s a wrong construct because we don’t even need to work, let alone work “hard” before our lives are comfortable and we have access to everything.
And if it is through hard work that one becomes rich or comfortable enough, every single Nigerian right now would be billionaires.
My gawd, have you seen Nigerians?
They don’t even realize how much they’re suffering most times! They work like slaves 24/7 in horrible conditions accompanied by horrible salaries.
Even before the money comes for these men, they’re already mad at women taking their imaginary money from them. This is one of the reasons they’re very angry with sex workers and either slut-shame them or forcefully become their pimps.
Chase money not hoes.
Make the money and the bitches will come.
They can be useless POS, the women will come anyway.
Of course when you’re very useless all round, survival would ask women to take what they can get from you in exchange for you breaking them and asserting your superiority/dominance over them.
You get your self-esteem from breaking other people and saying they’re inferior to you, don’t you sincerely think your own don spoil?
And there’s a certain kind of soul-crushing loneliness that comes with people surrounding you just because of pieces of paper.
It had started happening to me too when I traveled out and I had to shut it down very fast!
Don’t fucking suck up to me and relate with me normally TF.
And so these men get angry when with all their money, they only attract women who want their money and don’t love them at all.
Because most times, they falsely think they just need to have money and nothing else; not respect, not kindness, not basic human decency or any moral values.
They get mad at women who want absolutely nothing to do with them even with all their money.
Men genuinely don’t know what to do with women who don’t count money as anything.
I belong to this category because of my poor background which is ironical.
Being poor made me realize there’s more to life than money. You may not have those pieces of papers and still be rich, richer than those empty billionaires.
Of course this is not to pander to the useless capitalism idea of “money doesn’t buy happiness.”
Please, everyone should already have access to comfortability, it should be the basics.
I was happy and fulfilled, I happily ate the very little food I could find and wore my one panty in peace. My clothes were so few and I didn’t have enough cover clothes to protect me from the cold. Mosquitoes would bite me and I would shiver.
Yet I was happy.
I had my intelligence, my moral values, I would defend myself and other girls as tiny as I was, and people generally flocked around me and would like to be close to me.
Presently, I could have chosen to be anything else, but I’m choosing to be a teacher; both literally and figuratively.
Money isn’t all that.
Money is very empty.
It is just not the ultimate, it is the least most basic emptiest construct ever.
But it has been turned upside down and it has been made the ultimate.
Look where that has got us; empty miserable people everywhere with our world messed up by capitalist activities.
Earth can’t hold us that much longer anymore. We’ve ruined it and these useless billionaires are already trying to go ruin Mars too.
…
Men rant day in day out that women only want their money.
While I empathize with them, in essence they do not sincerely have anything else to offer.
Whereas, personally, it’s even more dangerous to be with poor men.
From my experiences, they tried to break me much more than the richer men I’ve been with.
Because they feel they lack the most important thing to keep a woman namely money and sometimes big sexual organs. They feel these two are very important and it’s so wrong.
It’s even much more dangerous for me to be with poor men because even with the little I make, I am actually averagely richer than a lot of men. So of course, I can’t just be with anyone. They’ll ruin me not just financially, they’ll ruin my self-esteem. They’ll feel I have access to something that belongs to them; men are supposed to be the rich ones while women fiercely compete for them and with other women to have access to those resources THROUGH them. They will make my life hell.
I am talking as if it’s not happened to me; it has.
So of course, I’ll have to be selective.
And I will not try to prove to anybody that see, women can be with poor men too.
I will not be with anyone on the basis of being rich or poor in the first place.
I will be with people, men or women, based on their level of consciousness and humanity.
I will see if their way of life aligns with mine.
If they’re humane, good, wonderful people.
I need to see a certain level of humanity otherwise, get thee behind me Satan!
And so this is not to prove anything to anybody that I have actually dated more poor men than rich men. My experiences with poor men have been horrible but I got lucky just once.
I met a guy at a lowest moment in his life; he had nothing.
I literally met him during a suspension in school. He and I would scrape money so we could eat. We would sell chinchin and go through all the disrespect that comes with trying to sell to people. He literally dumped his ego to do all these as he was quite popular. We lived in slums. We were broke af. But I was the happiest girl in the world. And he was the happiest guy in the world. And I would never trade him for anything in this world and beyond!
And yes, I literally chose him over millionaires and billionaires.
If I was forced to choose between him and a rich man, I would gladly kick the latter to the curb.
And thank goodness, I have a few who are not insisting on I choosing and we’ve been very good friends.
He was a person of integrity, I’d never met someone as selfless as him. He was genuinely humane, so humane that even my own self-preservation instinct would kick in sometimes and can’t be as nice as he’s been.
But you are not just poor and don’t have something as basic and useless as money to offer, you’re literally a POS who feels entitled to subduing and breaking women. And you rant day in day out about women not wanting to be with you.
Are you kidding me?
Look, rich men feel a certain level of entitlement to women too. I honestly don’t even know which is crazier between poor men and rich men.
Rich men feel entitled to your body, time, and life as a whole.
My goodness, look at the way Davido literally treats Chioma like a THING. A property to own.
There have been rich men who want to dictate how to live my life; be their political handbag, their trophy wife, even become a pastor’s wife.
Emi iya yaadi, Jeezus Christ 🤣
Whatever future plans I have for myself or whatever path I should take that I think will make me happy isn’t considered at all.
Heck, they don’t even genuinely think you can think for yourself. They feel your only purpose is to be inserted into their lives for their own life goals.
You, you are nothing. You’re just a little part of the equation.
Which means Patriarchy and Capitalism are both deeply fucking men, women and everybody up!
We all end up constantly mad at one another and we don’t even know why.
We’re perpetually miserable.
Men are calling us hoes and bitches.
Women are calling men scums.
This is not okay!
Money isn’t everything.
And women are not some properties to be enticed and owned. We are not inferior to you because you have a penis! If it was so, you wouldn’t have to constantly hammer on this notion.
IT IS A LIE!
You would be a lot less miserable if you dumped all these useless ideas and just be a better person honestly.
Be a decent human being.
Be humane.
Care about the world you live in and everything in it!
Genuinely contribute your part to the universe; the universe will take care of you in return.
Dasola TEWOGBADE (Sisà Afrika)
