I’m going to be 27 soon (27? Honestly, I feel so younger than that!) and this year, my heart is just full. I am happy about my life, I am grateful for my lessons, I’m very grateful for the people who have come into my life (and gone).
I used to hate that I’m me, I used to hate my experiences but for once in my life, I don’t think I’d like to be anybody else.
I want to be me, it’s a privilege to be Sisí Afrika.
I have people in my life who love me, who really do love me. THIS is also a privilege. I want to intentionally start recognizing the privileges I have.
We’re in a world where love has been artificially made scarce and here I am, having an abundance of it, overflowing.
There’s this idea I see all about, right? That money and material things are not evidences of love.
There are people in my life who show me love by crediting my account and making sure I’m comfortable.
I did not pay a single dime to rent my current apartment, people made that happen.
The amount I budgeted to spend for myself for my birthday, it got surpassed. People made that happen.
There’s this particular person who I’ve tried so hard to figure out.
Why does this person help me tho? Why do they, without any hesitation, help me out financially?
Honestly, there’s really no other ways to really connect. The age gap, the tribe difference, the very polarized ideology, I mean I’m a socialist feminist that’s on fire, religious wise? Hell no. Traditional values? Opinions?
But they’re still there, helping out on demand.
And I feel loved by that.
Then there are those who have absolutely nothing to give me but their time, and understanding, their loyalty, their friendship. This set of people also love me.
Who loves me more?
I don’t know. I can’t tell.
Because love is not measurable.
I think it’s wrong to simply categorize people who show love to you by giving you money and material things as people who don’t “really” love you.
Perhaps this is coming from a place of the religious dogma of the love of material things being vain? Plus the idea that only one person must show you love and it must be all-encompassing?
Love is limitless, and the definition of love cannot be restricted to just one idea or subjective to an individual and rigid definition. Love is love, it doesn’t need any adjective, or construct, really.
I think, also, that love should not be restricted to one person. Just one person cannot show another individual all the love in this world. We’re supposed to be inter dependent, we’re supposed to connect and love one another, we’re supposed to dwell in some sort of community love and not be dependent on just one person for our emotional needs. Little wonder why romance/monogamy has become such a toxic adventure.
Every form of care is love, even if that care manifests in the person giving me money and material things.
Imagine in the current situation of the country, someone goes ahead to give you something, and you’re saying the person doesn’t “really” love you?
You want just one person to fulfill ALL of your needs, wants and aspirations about the limitless concept of love before you agree that someone loves you?
People need to unlearn this toxic definition of love. THEN you’ll start seeing love everywhere, you’ll start seeing love in the littlest of acts that someone does for you. You’ll be miserable, waiting for that humongous perfect love to come around. There’s titbits of love in everybody, and those titbits of love go around to everyone.
Love doesn’t have to involve this and that before it’s love. If any act is done towards your happiness and comfort, it is love.
I feel fulfilled, happy and emotionally healthy because I have my own little community love.
There are those who love me with money; the happiness they have brought into my life, being able to rent a good place, being really comfortable when the economy is this bad… I honestly cannot say that’s “not” love.
There are those who love me sexually.
There are those who love me emotionally.
There are those who love my intellect.
Love is everywhere.
I’d be really offended if I share my stuff with you and you’re telling me I don’t love you.
I could have chosen to hoard the resources for myself, but I shared with you.
Isn’t there love in sharing anymore?
Does love have to be ONLY in the romantic context, albeit toxic one at that, before you call it love?
If someone gives you material things, it IS love.
And one person cannot satisfy your needs.
Have you ever studied the Maslow scale? Have you ever looked at the number of needs everyone has?
It’s not realistic to depend on just one person for your love needs. You need community love.
You can start from this conclusion.
If giving you money is not one of your priority needs so much so that you don’t see being showered with material needs as love, the idea that it is not love is subjective; to your idea of what love should be, and how all encompassing it must be before it qualifies as love.
Objectively, giving you resources IS love.