Sometimes this year, something similar to this 12k restaurant saga also happened to me. It was the first time and I was calm throughout because luckily, I had backup.


I don’t care if we’re meeting in an open space or whatever. As long as I’m meeting someone with a penis, with anyone who identifies with masculinity, I understand how the person is naturally conditioned to not be nice to my kind. I understand how that person is naturally or subconsciously an enemy and I’m a survivor I tell you, so my survival instinct kicks in and is even sometimes on overdrive.


I would always tell a friend, pointedly male, about exactly where I’m going. I would send him their pictures and online details and immediately I get to where I’m going, I’ll call the friend and put it on loudspeaker.


“Yes, I’m with him now. Okay, bye.” 


I don’t need to do this for women of course. No, I don’t entirely trust women too but honestly, if women would hurt me, it would mostly be emotionally.


It’s sad that it has come to this but it is what it is. And please, this is not about men protecting “our women” crap. I’d rather have a society where I don’t need any protection from men by other men. Anyone who preaches this is still not on women’s side. It means you want women to continue to be oppressed solely for your own ego.

This particular evening, I was supposed to meet this person in Asokoro for a date. I told this person I was broke and could not afford to pay for the Bolt, he said I should come, he’d pay.


Now, I’m just reading about something called clairsentience. I may not be able to give a logical explanation for whatever it is I’m feeling, but I feel things. I feel people, I feel people’s emotions, I “smell” people and I’m almost always accurate. It has protected me a lot. That, coupled with my deep knowledge of psychology of human mind and behaviour.


For example, recently, a man started talking to me online and that same day or the next, I became the very love of his life, he worshipped the ground I stood on, I was just the missing piece he’d been looking for, his soulmate. For a novice, they’d be thanking their stars that they’ve finally met the one. That’s why a lot of these predators go for very young girls because of their naivety. What that man did is called love bombing, it’s not real. The love is fake. Of course, I’ve had a “love at first sight” experience before but there’s just a difference. It’s not superficial, and empty. And it grows slowly like an ember coming to life. I can’t just be the love of your life all of a sudden. I tried to dial it down but he didn’t genuinely know how else to hook his would be victims, so I blocked him because there’s nothing else he’s going to offer me other than misery and pain after he sees that I’m hooked. You can love bomb me with money though, I’d like that, I’d give you a high supply in return believe me, you’d like the chase lol lol. (I’ve been reading about the dark triad a lot and I ask if these folks can indeed act otherwise, it’s a topic for another day).


Anyway, I smelled foul play that evening but I was going through this existential crisis and dealing with this abandonment issue that gripped me like a vice and I just needed someone around me. Someone… Anyone.


And so against my better judgement and feeling, I booked a ride. We couldn’t easily locate the address and this man started giving very vague description when talking to the driver. I wouldn’t know what happened to this day but when we got to where he said we should get to, he stopped picking my calls, blocked me on WhatsApp and blocked my numbers everywhere.


I did not panic one bit and the reason being that before I left, I made sure my friend was online. I’ve been consistently using someone I know is reliable and would always have my back y’see. So I didn’t step out of my house until he came online, read the details I sent him and he confirmed it. The details were also sketchy, honestly, I sort of knew. I just took a gamble.


This my friend would stay online until I confirmed I was in my location and occasionally check on me.


I immediately put a call through to him and explained everything that happened.


I asked the Bolt driver to turn around and just take me home. I pretended it was just a night cruise through Abuja. Abuja is really awesome in the night. The driver was really sympathetic. He saw everything that happened, he didn’t even confirm the alert. He said I could go.


Before I got back home many minutes later, whilst still in the car, another number entirely started chatting with me on WhatsApp. With a different face…


He wanted to feed on my panic, he wanted to see me humiliated, he wanted me to scream and cry. And honestly, that kind of life is… Pathetic and pitiable.


Now, there’s one thing I noticed on his profile. He’s a cultist, and I used that to berate him. He said am I black too?


You have nonsense ideologies that involve repressing women. You’ll be messed up everyday by the state and not be able to lift a finger and fight the oppressions that matter, it’s women you’ll be barking at everyday and trying to mess up. You’re very foolish.  


I can’t remember everything I wrote but that’s like the general gist, going ideological instead of hysterical.


I remember that guy that first chatted me up asked me to come with another woman who is my friend. He was very specific about the woman being my friend.


So the gist would go that a woman was asked to come on a date, and she even had the gut to bring her friend and they BOTH couldn’t even afford common Bolt. They would call us hungry and all that.


It would go viral, and my friend and I would be humiliated, just like this lady.


So… This is like the new format. Men devise means of hurting and humiliating women everyday and then turn around to complain that men are not loved. I don’t know how logical it is to love these kinds of people generally. Look around at the very few nice men you call simps, they’re loved, they’re cherished, they’re adored. Lawd knows I have men I’d gladly stand in front of the bullet coming for them. You can’t be a “king” or afamail and be loved, it’s logically impossible. You’re not a loving and lovely person, there’s just nothing to love. Can you love someone that’s full of so much hatred and bile? People just don’t automatically love you, love is transactional. And that is why you’ll be lonely and miserable and die alone, unless you change and become a better person and fight the conditionings that make you… Like that. 


I’ve been lucky to meet and be surrounded by men who are resisting patriarchy, who treat women like human beings. They’re few truly, but they exist. And so if they exist, that means anyone can resist and be a decent human being, even if they’re told everyday to be an asshole towards people of a certain Identity. You have a CHOICE and you’re only choosing to be assholes. You’ll bear the consequences of your choice and so if you see any man complaining he’s not loved, you may need to run for your best interest.


I know I’ve stepped on so many toes but if I’ll be set up at all, it wouldn’t be on a small scale, for something that low and petty.


And so I believe this Bolt incident was just random and I happened to be the target.


This 12k incident sort of showed that’s the new format in town. The girl said she finished eating and suddenly, the man had issues with his bank. The man went to his car to sort it out while she stayed inside the restaurant. Suddenly, the guy’s friend came inside and asked her to drop her phone in exchange for the payment. Can you now see it’s planned?


She went out to confront the guy she came with and they immediately started recording her. She paid for the bill, just like I could for the Bolt.


Imagine she couldn’t pay? Imagine I couldn’t pay? Even after she paid, she was still humiliated. It wasn’t about the money after all, it was about putting women in their place and reminding women that we should always go for the barest minimum. That’s why you see women calling crappy men “kind.” At least if he’s paying the restaurant bill without shouting at me, he’s “kind.” And maybe I have to have sex with him like that o. NO! You don’t freaking have to! 


So if it becomes generally like this that women can’t even peacefully go on dates with men anymore, that men call women broke when that’s how it’s actually been designed so men can provide and women can submit if not for feminism fighting for women’s rights to work and confronting gender pay gap, while sex, the only thing still binding men and women together, is constantly demonized and smeared with so much negativity, tell me exactly why women would want to consciously love men especially in a patriarchal society? 


Yesterday, I was overwhelmed by these negative feelings towards men honestly. And so I called that my friend, that my friend you would call simp, he was the one I called. I explained my feelings and by the time I was done with that call, I felt better.


Hating or not hating people is about you at the end of the day. Your energy becomes dark and you attract darkness. I don’t want to be full of hatred, it doesn’t pay me.


I mean, I’ve danced everyday for years. I can’t be full of hatred for certain people and be that happy. Immediately I see anyone of that gender, and they’re everywhere, I’d either be angry or sad, I don’t want that kind of life. It’s about ME. I’d rather be neutral and stay the hell away from them.


And that’s why I know people always get their judgement right here on earth. If someone complains of not being loved and lonely, it’s NOT because of their gender, because their gender is only a little part of them, it’s not their whole identity. It’s about who they are, and the choices they make. If the whole world “conspires” to hate them, they deserve it. That’s their karma. And they’re lonely and sad indeed. I tell you.


I understand “not all men”, because like I’ve written, I have very few men in my life, the ones you call simps that happen to be decent humans. That “not all men” is insignificant and infinitesimal because out of a million men, you’d be lucky to find ten who are decent. And so that’s why nobody listens to “not all men.” Y’all did maths in school, and you did significant numbers right? “Not all men” is insignificant.


“Not all men” is not being truthful, “not all men” is discarding women’s realities.


If you’re a good guy, it is not enough that you’re good. You have to be vocal about it and condemn what sexists do to women. Because with your silence, you’re indirectly gaining from what other sexists do.


I do not trust a man that says he’s not like the others and will never condemn what other sexist men are doing, or even try to explain their behaviours away. Because he’s silently gaining. They’re doing the works for him so he doesn’t have to get his hands dirty, so he can claim that he’s a good guy.


I’m someone that mostly keeps to herself and doesn’t really mix with people.


I also have a very tight circle.


I always have issues when I want to introduce someone else to that circle and make it a little bigger.


I have amazing folks in my life but very few, because humanity is just gone.


I guess at this point where everything has turned upside down, I should just hold on to what I have and not be greedy and also be grateful that I’ve managed to keep my humanity intact.


I’d have been really miserable otherwise.


Just like these folks miserable and sad enough to record a woman to humiliate her.


“Make this world a better place” will reward YOU first before it actually rewards the world out there.


If you choose to do otherwise, honestly, your karma is right in your life.


Karma is not some event that happens to you, karma is constantly with you, exchanging energy with you, giving you your judgement right there.


When you’re asked to be decent, it’s about you at the end of the day.


Oppressors are not happy, it’s obvious with the way they TRY TO assert power everyday. That power is an illusion they try so hard to hold on to.


Look at everyone trying to praise that 12k guy, look at them very closely, they’re miserable and are nobodies. Someone that amounts to anything, EVEN if he silently likes that guy, will be afraid to lose what he has and keep quiet.


And look at the bright side though;


If men are refusing to foot bills and be the providers and they can’t even pay for something as ordinary as food anymore, then we’re seeing the downfall of patriarchy already.


Because this is part of what’s keeping women submissive so to speak.


So if you can’t pay for even women’s food on a date anymore, then y’all have become useless in the patriarchal sense and women would automatically resist being subdued. 


Because now, exactly what is your use that they’re submitting to? 


Laughs like a Jezebel.




Written by SISÍ AFRIKA.

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