I have kissed many frogs in my life and while kissing them, I didn’t even know they were frogs. I was genuinely not aware, I thought there weren’t anything else to kiss, asides frogs.
I really didn’t know anything about boys because my grandmother asked me to stay away from them, at least until I finished secondary school. I also wasn’t allowed to have friends and I sort of missed out on that crucial social integration as a child. So here I was, 16 +, and not knowing anything other than what I’d read in books about the world out there. By 17, I started dabbling into relationships and I’ve learnt a lot since then.
I can say I’m now experienced; I clawed my way out of the ignorance and naivety and in retrospect, I prefer learning from practical experiences, I prefer getting hurt to learn my own truth, it’s sort of okay that I started on a blank slate. I hadn’t learnt the way of the world, especially between boys (men) and girls (women), as a child.
I had my first heartbreak and it was oh so painful when this man swooped in, my knight in shining armour, coming to save me from that pain.
He said everything he knew I’d like to hear, how the ex was just a bad bad person and how he wanted to destroy my life.
Destiny destroyer, he called the ex. Little did I know he himself was predicting what he wanted to do in my life, destroy me that was.
But back then he was an angel, that was what I saw. He listened to me rant and cry in the night, and he kept telling me I’d be alright. He wasn’t an asshole in the beginning, you see.
And then when he saw I had become really attached, the madness started.
The backhanded compliments, telling me I didn’t even know how to dress, how he was finer than me, the unnecessary lies. When I told him I didn’t see my period, he went batshit crazy and called me a slut, saying I should take that bastid I was carrying to the others I’d been fucking. I hadn’t been fucking anyone else, and I was just a terrified teen who didn’t know much about how cycles worked. He even went as far as saying he recorded one of our sex sessions and he would release it. Of course I saw my period later.
Did we continue the situationship?
Definitely.
I thought “that’s just how men are”, exactly what alpha males want us to believe so we’ll continue to tolerate their socio-mental disorder.
He was in his finals while I was still in pre-degree. This man would take my money, even bet with it and stuff. He would cook up some story and I’d give him my phone, I went without a phone for weeks.
When he gave me back the phone, he’d installed WhatsApp which he used to chat with different women, asking them that he’d like to come visit them and stuff. A low life leech he was. You know how I fought back? I told one of the women he had HIV. I just chuckled right now. That was I fighting back. Sisí, that was you?
This man triangulated me with his ex, his ex which he’d also messed up mentally and emotionally. She deserved better and was way out of his league, and yet she lost her mind over him.
No, women don’t go for the bad guys. Women get manipulated, traumatized and trauma-bonded by these men who are everywhere. Good men are extremely rare, thanks to patriarchy and women have been traumatized so much they don’t even know how to respond to goodness anymore.
This man and his ex were in the same department, still close and stuff but I didn’t mind. This ex, still obviously in love with our premium man (hehe) barged in one evening and said she’s staying with us, she was going nowhere. I was genuinely surprised and I only sparked when she said she would beat me up.
I proceeded to boil water so she could have a nice bath.
After that episode, this man continued with the lady’s project and called me wicked when I asked why he would do that, especially considering that she made so much trouble that the whole compound couldn’t sleep until around 2am.
Because of this man and his ex, I nearly got expelled from pre-degree.
I remember a younger guy really tried to win my affection in pre-degree, even got me gifts you know? I didn’t accept the gifts. My head was all over the place and if I was very loyal to our boyfriend, perhaps he’d treat me right? That younger guy still likes me, a pity I don’t fancy them young.
This man never gave me anything, asides #500 the first time I visited him in 2014 I suppose? The #500 wasn’t even half of my transport fare.
This man, I would try to cook with my money when he was broke and he’d say it’s not even sweet and it didn’t have “animal.”
When my mother wouldn’t send me any money when I was in part one because she beat me and I asked her to stop and I starved and starved, this man had started working, he only said “eh yah, sorry ehn.”
When he came to visit me in my apartment, he contributed roughly 1k I believe. While I cooked and he ate MY food.
Even if the sex was amazing, it wouldn’t make up for all the other mess I experienced with him and get this, the sex itself wasn’t all that. There were very very few bursts of goodness, and you would understand this if you understand how narcissists work. They’d give you little spurts of goodness to reel you back in and strengthen the bond – the bond people find very hard to break.
This man told me he would tell me “I love you” like once in a month. He shouldn’t tell me that too much or else I wouldn’t appreciate it. And so I would wait to hear it that once in a month, and you should see the way my eyes would light up whenever his majesty rationed that “I love you.”
No, he never called me any nice names.
He’s ugly af, at least in my eyes right now.
When we’re in love, even those frogs look so so handsome, no?
I didn’t really know why I held on to him. They said we should have boyfriends, so I mindlessly had one.
I can’t believe I’m writing about myself, it’s as if I’m writing about some messed up patriarchal princess afflicted with low self-esteem. And this is why I don’t go about gleefully castigating these patriarchal princesses, I have been there and I didn’t get to where I currently am in a day.
It took me years, it took me tears and pains and feelings of helplessness, it took me all of my strength to get to where I am now.
I kissed other frogs but this particular one had the strongest hold over me. He waited until I was totally vulnerable with him before he started striking me.
Here comes another knight in shining armour.
Because I’d gone through so much hell, I didn’t take this one seriously.
I wanted to break it off with the pre degree boyfriend but I needed closure. The last time he visited me, I wanted him to just say sorry.
For all the mess, for everything.
He didn’t, it was the usual gaslighting as usual. It’s almost like I made everything up in my head. Did I leave him? No. I couldn’t, I just couldn’t even when I really wanted to. Somehow, I knew and felt relationships shouldn’t be that bad, and I sure as hell knew I shouldn’t be cooking or slaving for anybody. I was strong headed but he still got to me emotionally.
I, Sisí Afrika, couldn’t let go of someone treating me like dirt. There are many factors to this which I’m not interested in analyzing. The focus is on the men I’ve been with.
This new knight asked me out and I said no.
Get thee behind me spawns of Satan, all of you!
But I was curious, and I peered out of my safe cocoon watching him like he’s some species I’d never seen before.
And I had never, really. I will, many years later, get to know he’s someone y’all call “simp.”
Here was a man talking to me like I mattered, like I had a hell of a brain he found fascinating. I was a young woman struggling to be seen for me, and not be swept under the carpet of “you’re still a woman las las.” It used to piss me off, I was smarter than a lot of men but the fact that they had penises would make them treat me like I was nothing.
This man treated me like I was more than something. He opened my eyes to see me in a way I had never seen me.
He was the one who first called me a feminist, even when I’d never seen myself like that. While a lot of other men were getting pissed off about women standing up for themselves, this one was happily pointing it out that I was a feminist and encouraging me to embrace it. He told me I was normal for being one, I thought I’d been a weird “crazy” woman y’know.
This man would use his last card to buy food for me, he saved me from hunger, the punishment meted out to me by my mother. This man made eba for me when I had period pains, even when the eba was as hard as a rock.
This man was lovely and nice and I didn’t try to get close because that’s not how men are supposed to be, right?
So, what is this one doing exactly?
Or he’s trying to be nice so I can lose my guard and then deal with me? Like what pre-degree boyfriend had done?
I went to Osogbo with him and while making my hair, even the hairdresser campaigned for him.
Aunty, this brother likes you o, kai. He’s stayed with you since morning.
And it was on this day pre-degree boyfriend called me.
He said and I quote: “You sound happy. Why are you so happy? What’s happening?”
This man was used to I being so miserable and always sad and he was comfortable with that! He freaked out that I was happy!
What sort of a mad person was that?
Subconsciously, something snapped and I gathered the strength to run, to let go. That day was February 10th.
By February 14th, when he was still playing with my head and saying:
“Well, you didn’t pick up ON TIME when I called you and so it’s your fault we wouldn’t spend valentine’s together,” I ended it with him.
He did not believe it, he was so sure he had me under control, he was so confident he had a strong hold over me and that no matter how very useless he was, I would condone him.
If not for the simp that came along, I would never find the strength to leave him. I would never know I wasn’t being treated right. I did know, but I didn’t know the extent of the disrespect and hatred that man had for me, until I met another man, a simp. I thought m.e.n were just like that; wicked, not loving, never vulnerable, always miserable.
I genuinely believed in “boys will be boys” and “men will be men.” I thought that’s how all men were, and that they couldn’t just do better. I didn’t know nobody should be rationing “I love you” or calling me wicked when I confronted them about doing their ex’s project, an ex who wanted to beat the crap out of me, because of whom I might have ended up behind bars because someone would have died that evening and it wouldn’t be me. I didn’t know I deserved to be taken care of, or that I didn’t deserve to be disrespected enough for a man to whom I borrowed my phone to lackadaisically leave his chats with other women on MY phone to find. I did not know I deserved to be loved, that I didn’t have to pay for anyone to stay with me. That I didn’t have to bend over my back for anyone to love me.
I DIDN’T KNOW until a simp came along that it doesn’t rain everywhere.
I just didn’t know!
That same day, that February 14th, I said yes to that simp. Yes, I’ll be your girlfriend. While he gave me a ring, such a beautiful romantic at heart. So adorable.
I liked him, but one leg was in and one was out. I was ready to bolt at any sign of “men will be men.”
I felt I had already gained from that simp even if we didn’t work out in the end.
Because of him, I was free.
Because of him, I could cut that toxic bond between me and pre-degree boyfriend.
Because of him, I started believing in myself.
Because of him, I realized my standards have never been “too high” all along. I didn’t have to be with alpha males. I didn’t have to tolerate them or let them come near me.
Over the years, that pre-degree boyfriend would try to crawl his way back into my life.
He would lie about having a business or two in OAU and how he’d need a place to stay, mine of course.
He would insult me and apologize.
He would slut shame me and apologize and say I made him do it.
And he would cuss out my boyfriend, the simp. He told me the simp was ruining my life, he’s a bad influence.
Of course, he’s a “bad” influence; now I can see. Now I’m freer and happier. I could dump him and move on. Of course the simp is a really really “bad” man.
The last time he contacted me, I was happy I wasn’t even in the southwest anymore. He sounded mad enough to start stalking me, and he really really really hated the simp like dirt. As if he could kill him y’know. He kept saying he took me from him, like I was an object, an empty head with no mind of her own.
I said I was going to drag him all over the social media, I was going to release his details if he ever contacted me again.
That was 2021.
Guess who recently followed me on TikTok and Facebook with new accounts? That I had to block again?
It got me thinking genuinely what he thinks is enticing about him enough for me or anyone else for that matter to want to be with him.
He’s an “afa mail” in every sense of the word. Andrew Tate would be proud of him. He’s a miserable bastid who tried to mess me up so bad. He’s stingy af and sees sex as a control tool.
And yet, he never stopped running after me. He’s not doing that because he loves me, I’m just the one who’s managed to get away.
You would think alpha males don’t want women or need us around them, especially with the way they demonize (loving) women everyday. On the contrary, they desperately need women, but they want women to put up with their shits. They are lonely as fuck. I mean, who wants to be around a miserable person who preaches all day long on how to abuse, exploit and hate others? Even their partners and children hate them, if they have any. And lawd knows I’d prefer to die if these kinds of people are my kids.
And without the existence of simp(s), I wouldn’t be aware that it doesn’t have to be that way! That alpha males are not the standards. I wouldn’t be aware that I deserved better than them.
Alpha males think you’re an idiot if you love them, and they treat you as such, they are that broken.
This simp that came into my life made me realize I’m not a fool for loving and trusting and believing in someone with everything I’ve got. And I doubled my effort in loving this simp y’know, I would gladly lay down my life for his.
Alpha males will never logically have that. Frankly speaking, a lot of people wish them dead. I know I do, the world would be a better place without all that misery and daily clamouring and education on how to hurt others, while constantly stigmatising and shaming people who are nice, kind and decent.
At this point, I think you should have figured out why these sexists hate simps.
Simps are normal human beings, sexists demonize them and call them abnormal. Imagine being so damaged and broken that treating people with kindness and basic human decency is what you call “abnormal.”
Look, what if there’s no reward for kindness (there is), would you stop being kind? Or even go as far as demanding that others also stop being kind?
Simps expose that women have choices.
Simps force sexists to not be comfortable being shitty anymore because women would not put up with that, because any right thinking woman would quickly go for the simps and dump them. Any woman that stays with sexists are broken and I tell you, even sexists, broken and battered themselves, do not want broken women. They want to feel whole by association and so they go for the unbroken ones, only to break them and then feel good about themselves and continue the hunt for other unbroken ones.
Simps show us all that “men will not always be men” and that “boys will be boys” is crap.
They show us that it is NOT in the nature of men to be shitty and useless and miserable.
Simps show us that men can love, are loving and adorable and that they have emotions. Simps destroy patriarchy by not just loving women but embracing their femininity.
Simps force sexists to do better.
Simps bring joy and happiness to the women and men in their lives.
Simps are simply amazing and you should get some simp love before you die, honestly. I can’t explain it to you how it is to be loved by a simp and you will get it.
It is a once in a lifetime experience, you may never have it again but I tell you, even if it lasts for one second, it is enough to last you a lifetime.
I have tasted it and it’s difficult for me to put up with crap anymore, from any gender identity that is. I understand I deserve the good things of life and even if you’re a naturally shitty person, I need to see some efforts to be good to me. And I tell you, sexists know who to be shitty to. When they know you’re aware of what you deserve, they’d go be shitty to others who are unconscious while they behave themselves around you.
Guess who spreads that awareness, alongside feminists, that women deserve to be treated just right? Simps.
Are you still wondering why sexists hate feminists and especially simps and treat simps like traitors? Constantly trying to ostracize simps and shame them?
While these alpha males are miserable bastids and spread their misery and dark energy around, simps are averagely happier and loved and adored.
Look into the alpha males’ lives and point to just one person who love them so so much. There will be none. Everybody gets their karma right here on earth.
You would think women would be ready allies for simps?
NO.
That’s not the case and this will be continued sometimes later.
In the meantime, get you some simp love.
And I promise that your life will never remain the same.
Simps don’t have ready allies in any gender, really.
But I am your ally, the greatest ally you’ll ever have.
I see you, and I appreciate you and I’m rooting for you.
Long live the simps.
Written by Sisí Afrika.
